Pronouns & inclusive language at work

Why pronouns matter

Pronouns are not a trend or a formality — they are part of how someone is recognised as a person. When a trans or non-binary colleague is repeatedly referred to by the wrong pronoun, the impact accumulates. Statements like "Oh, it's so hard to remember your pronouns" carry what Joanne describes in her training as a "drip, drip, drip effect that reinforce exclusion bias" — each one small, the pattern corrosive.

The fear of being misgendered — or of being outed as trans to colleagues who don't know — can lead to anxiety and disengagement long before it shows up in a formal complaint. Getting language right is how you prevent that.

Common pronouns and how to use them

• She/her and he/him — the pronouns most people are familiar with. Use whichever a person uses for themselves, regardless of how they present.
• They/them — singular they is standard English with centuries of use. Many non-binary people use they/them; some trans people do too. If you find it unfamiliar, practise: "Alex said they'd send the report over this afternoon."
• Other pronouns — some people use xe/xem, ze/zir or others. If someone shares their pronouns with you, use them. If you're unsure how, ask once, quietly and privately.

You don't need to understand every nuance of gender identity to use someone's pronouns correctly. You just need to listen and try.

Key terminology to know

A shared vocabulary helps teams talk about inclusion without stumbling over words. Here are the terms that come up most often:

• Trans / transgender — an umbrella term for people whose gender identity differs from the sex they were assigned at birth. Use "trans" as an adjective ("a trans woman"), never as a noun.
• Non-binary — a person whose gender identity sits outside, between or beyond "man" and "woman". Non-binary people may use they/them or other pronouns.
• Gender identity — a person's internal sense of their own gender.
• Gender expression — how someone presents externally: name, clothing, mannerisms. Expression and identity don't always match.
• Deadnaming — using a trans person's previous name without their permission. Avoid it; update your records and systems as soon as someone shares a new name.
• Misgendering — referring to someone using incorrect pronouns or gendered language. It can be unintentional; the impact is real either way.
• Cisgender (cis) — a person whose gender identity matches their sex assigned at birth. A neutral, descriptive term.

Language in this space evolves. If a term you've used has shifted, update it — that's not weakness, that's learning.

How to recover gracefully from a misgender

Everyone gets it wrong sometimes, especially while adjusting to a colleague's new name or pronouns. What matters is what you do next. In her training, Joanne models exactly this: "Say, look. I am struggling here. I'm gonna keep making it right, keep getting it right. I'm gonna keep trying." — taking responsibility without making the moment about your own discomfort.

In practice, a graceful correction looks like this:

• Catch it quickly and correct in the flow: "Sorry — she, I mean he — was just saying…"
• One brief apology is enough. Repeating it or dwelling on it shifts the focus to you.
• Don't make a production of it. A quiet, calm correction is far less uncomfortable for everyone than a big moment.
• If it happens in writing — an email or report — simply use the correct name and pronouns in your reply without drawing attention to it as an error.
• Practise the correct pronouns privately so the habit forms. It gets easier quickly.

When a colleague refuses to use correct pronouns

Occasionally someone will say they "can't" or "won't" use a colleague's pronouns on the grounds of personal belief. This is where clarity matters. "This isn't about personal beliefs. It's about workplace respect," Joanne says in her trans inclusion training. "You don't have to agree, but you have to be professional."

Managers and HR leads have a responsibility to address this the same way they'd address any other failure of professional conduct — through policy, conversation and, if necessary, escalation. Leaving the trans colleague to manage it alone isn't neutrality; it's a choice with consequences.

For active allies, this is also the moment to speak up in the room — a calm, brief correction reinforces the culture without requiring the trans person to advocate for themselves yet again.

Practical steps for teams

• Normalise pronoun sharing in email signatures and meeting introductions — for everyone, not just trans colleagues.
• Update internal systems promptly when a colleague changes their name or pronouns: directories, ID badges, email accounts, HR records.
• Brief meeting facilitators and line managers on what to do if misgendering happens in a group setting.
• Include pronoun guidance in your LGBTQIA+ inclusion policy and revisit it as language evolves.
• Create space for questions — private, low-stakes learning prevents the awkward public moments nobody wants.

Take it further

Explore Joanne's LGBTQIA+ inclusion keynotes and workshops, browse more guides, or hear these topics explored in depth on the Inclusion Bites podcast.