From Resilience To Inspiration

Joanne Lockwood speaks with Paris Bartholomew, a speaker, writer, lecturer and trainer, about growing up in the British care system and the long path from instability and trauma to building a life rooted in empathy and purpose.

Paris recounts entering care at six after severe abuse, navigating frequent placement moves, and the impact this had on trust, identity, and relationships. They reflect on the added complexity of being a Black child placed in white environments, where cultural needs and protection from racism were not well understood, and how role models and community links later supported identity formation.

The conversation follows Paris’s transition into independence and education, including using lived experience as evidence of capability when accessing opportunities. Paris also shares their work supporting others through fostering-related training and voluntary roles, including listening support with Samaritans during the COVID period. They describe self-care practices, a PTSD diagnosis, and therapies including EMDR as part of maintaining wellbeing.

They close by discussing the gap between “tick-box” diversity efforts and meaningful inclusion at work, including the importance of safe spaces for learning, trauma-informed practice, and storytelling as a route to connection and culture change. Joanne also highlights Paris’s forthcoming book, which aims to show that adverse childhood experiences can be a backdrop rather than a life sentence.

One-sentence summary

A child moved twelve times before adulthood grows into a woman who believes that trauma can shape you without defining you — if you learn to reclaim control, choose compassion, and protect your hope.

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Synopsis (two paragraphs)

Paris Bartholomew entered the care system aged six after severe abuse by her birth mum, and over the next twelve years she lived in twelve placements — foster homes, group homes, semi-independent projects — rarely staying long enough to settle. She grew up without consistency, without rooted love, and without her sisters beside her. As a Black child placed in white families, often the only Black pupil at school, she struggled without cultural mirrors or guidance. She remembers hair shaved because no one knew how to care for it, anger misunderstood, identity unmet. Yet alongside the instability was something stubborn and luminous: hope. She colour‑coded her dreams in a brown Filofax. She demanded to know where her sisters were. She read books to escape and built a quiet conviction that one day she would sit in the driving seat of her own life.

Today, Paris is a speaker, trainer and volunteer who works across charity and corporate spaces, bringing her lived experience into rooms that discuss belonging, trauma and inclusion. She is trying to change the story that early adversity writes your future. She wants people to understand that “your childhood trauma hasn’t got to be the story that you tell yourself day in, day out as an adult.” Her work matters because systems often overlook the human cost of instability — the lost identity, the unspoken shame, the silenced anger. Paris is building something gentler and braver: cultures where stories are heard, cultural needs are honoured, fears can be voiced, and difference is not just tolerated but understood.

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10 Small, digestible concepts for easy learning

1. Resilience isn’t born from strength alone — it’s often born from having no other choice.

Paris didn’t choose care, but she chose how she would respond to it.

2. Stability is a form of love.

Moving every few months teaches you what consistency really means.

3. Identity needs nurturing, not assumption.

Culture, race and heritage don’t disappear because a placement is convenient.

4. Privilege is often inherited, not requested.

Like race or sexuality, it arrives without consent — what matters is what you do with it.

5. Anger can signal unmet needs.

Her “bad behaviour” often reflected cultural neglect and confusion, not defiance.

6. Books can become lifeboats.

Reading gave her an escape and a sense of possibility beyond her circumstances.

7. Control heals where chaos has ruled.

Paying her own rent at sixteen was more than responsibility — it was dignity.

8. Forgiveness can be self-protection.

She forgave her mum not to excuse the harm, but to free her own mind.

9. Lived experience is expertise.

She used her care history to enter university and later to shape systems.

10. Trauma can be a backdrop, not the headline.

It shaped her story, but she refuses to let it define the ending.

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The “why” in the story

What they believe is true about people

Paris believes people are capable of growth — that even those who begin life in chaos can build meaning, stability and contribution.

What they cannot unsee

She cannot unsee the cost of instability: shaved hair, cultural erasure, children moved again and again, adults too afraid to admit ignorance.

What they are no longer willing to tolerate

Box‑ticking approaches to inclusion. Fear‑based silence. Systems that ignore identity needs. The quiet assumption that some children will simply “cope”.

What they are trying to build instead

Trauma‑informed, story‑led spaces where culture, identity and lived experience are acknowledged — and where people are allowed to grow beyond their beginnings.

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Narrative structure

1. The trigger

Entering care at six after severe abuse, and then repeatedly being moved — twelve placements before adulthood. The steady realisation, especially around eleven or twelve, that her life looked nothing like her classmates’.

2. The tension

Longing for love while distrusting it. Anger at cultural neglect while craving belonging. Wanting independence but needing stability. Later, entering corporate spaces where people fear saying the wrong thing and quietly resist change.

3. The insight

“You can have adverse childhood experiences… and still lead productive, successful, happy lives.” Trauma explains you; it does not imprison you.

4. The pivot

Demanding independence at fifteen. Using her care experience to access higher education. Forgiving her mum for her own peace. Turning her lived experience into training, volunteering and authorship.

5. The destination

A world where children in care have cultural affirmation, where workplaces practise everyday inclusion, and where no young person believes their worst chapter is their final one.

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Five key takeaways and learning points

1. Your past explains you — it doesn’t have to limit you.

So what: Listeners can stop carrying shame for circumstances they never chose.

2. Control is healing for those who grew up without it.

So what: Offer autonomy wherever possible — at home, at work, in systems.

3. Cultural identity is not an optional extra.

So what: Affirm identity early to prevent long‑term harm and confusion.

4. People need safety to admit ignorance.

So what: Replace judgement with curiosity to promote real growth.

5. Forgiveness can be a boundary, not a reunion.

So what: Closure does not require apology; it requires acceptance.

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Ten distinct ideas explained

1. Instability erodes trust.

Multiple placements teach vigilance. When adults disappear regularly, attachment becomes risky.

2. Cultural neglect is a quiet trauma.

Having your hair shaved because no one understands it sends a message: your identity is inconvenient.

3. Acceptance without belonging is incomplete.

Being allowed in the room is different from being understood within it.

4. Hope can coexist with anger.

Her colour‑coded plans lived alongside rebellion — both were survival tools.

5. Education can rebuild self‑worth.

Books offered mastery and escape, reshaping her sense of possibility.

6. Queerness emerged once survival eased.

When basic stability improved, she finally had space to explore sexuality.

7. Forgiveness is an internal restructuring.

Letting go of needing her mum to apologise gave her emotional independence.

8. Service can transform pain into purpose.

Volunteering with Samaritans and Crisis allowed her to channel empathy constructively.

9. Self-care is learned, not automatic.

Tai Chi, walking and therapy became disciplines that protect her capacity to help others.

10. Stories dismantle fear.

When people hear lived experience without judgement, defensiveness softens into dialogue.

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How people should change as a result

1. Think

• Move from “What’s wrong with them?” to “What unmet need shaped this behaviour?”
• See identity (race, culture, sexuality) as central to wellbeing, not peripheral.
• Understand that resilience often hides exhaustion.
• Recognise that lived experience is knowledge, not vulnerability alone.
• Accept that systems can harm unintentionally — and still must change.

2. Feel

• From judgement to compassion.
• From fear of saying the wrong thing to willingness to try.
• From pity to respect.
• From guilt to responsibility.
• From detachment to human connection.

3. Act

• Ask someone about their background — and listen without interrupting.
• Reflect on whose cultural needs are not met in your environment.
• Create regular spaces for open, non‑judgemental dialogue at work.
• Support trauma‑informed training rather than reactive fixes.
• Encourage autonomy for those who lacked it.
• Invest in mental health first aid or peer support networks.
• Share stories that challenge stereotypes about care, trauma or queerness.

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One thing to remember

Trauma may shape your beginning, but you still get to choose who drives the rest of your story.