No Expected Outcome

Joanne Lockwood speaks with Steph VanHaverbeke, co-founder of the House of Coaching, about what happens when you stop chasing a fixed result and allow space for creativity and renewal. Steph shares a pivotal moment after a business bankruptcy where choosing a day of music

They explore how perfectionism and constant performance can become self-imposed constraints, and how reframing baggage into useful luggage can support growth. Steph describes coaching approaches that help people uncover resources inside what they usually experience as obstacles, including a mindscaping exercise that reframes perfection as both beautiful and inherently imperfect.

The conversation also touches on Stephs gender transition and how it shaped her empathy and authenticity, alongside reflections on gender as a social construct and the impact of progressive gender legislation in Belgium. They end by discussing the disruptive rise of AI, the need for critical thinking, and how technology can free people to focus more on human connection and relationship-building.

One-sentence summary

Steff VanHaverbeke’s story is about freeing herself from the exhausting need to perform and prove, and choosing instead to live — and help others live — with authenticity, curiosity, and no expected outcome.

---

Synopsis

Steff VanHaverbeke is a 55-year-old transgender woman who rebuilt her life at a time when everything seemed to be unravelling. After her business collapsed during COVID and while navigating her gender transition, she found herself staring at an overwhelming to‑do list — drained, fearful, and conditioned to push harder. Instead, she unwrapped a birthday synthesiser and played music all day, with no goal, no productivity target, no guilt. That small act of defiance against pressure became a turning point. As she says, she had “no expected outcome” — and in that space, she found energy, clarity and freedom.

Steff now works with people who feel similarly trapped by performance, perfectionism and expectation. Having spent decades trying to “prove” she was a man — something she describes as deeply unnatural and exhausting — she understands what it costs to live behind a shield. What she is trying to change is not just workplace behaviour or thinking habits, but the quiet violence we do to ourselves when we deny who we are. Her work protects dignity — the right to exist without justification — and reminds people that being human means being creative, flawed, curious and alive.

---

10 Small, digestible concepts for easy learning

1. No expected outcome creates space for truth.

When you let go of needing a result, you sometimes find what really fuels you.

2. Perfection is beautiful — and impossible.

Like a cut flower, it can look flawless and still carry loss.

3. Exhaustion can be a sign of misalignment, not weakness.

Trying to prove something you are not will drain you.

4. Freedom often starts with a small, rebellious choice.

Unwrapping the synthesiser mattered more than finishing the list.

5. Identity is lived in tiny moments, not grand declarations.

It’s in how you stand, speak, think and breathe.

6. Baggage contains clues.

Inside what holds you back is often the root of your growth.

7. Human intelligence is relational.

Connection, creativity and critical thinking are what set us apart.

8. You don’t have to justify your existence.

Steff no longer feels the need to explain who she is.

9. Change can feel catastrophic and liberating at once.

Bankruptcy and transition were both endings — and beginnings.

10. Think again.

Question what you’re told, what you assume, and what you’ve always believed about yourself.

---

The “why” in the story

What she believes is true about people

People are not machines. They are creative, adaptive, deeply relational beings who flourish when they are allowed to be authentic.

What she cannot unsee

How many of us are programmed to perform — to produce, prove, perfect — until we forget who we are beneath the expectation.

What she is no longer willing to tolerate

Living behind a persona. Proving legitimacy. Carrying unnecessary baggage. Letting systems define human worth by output alone.

What she is trying to build instead

A world where people feel safe to think critically, live authentically, use technology wisely, and choose energy over exhaustion.

---

Narrative structure

1. The trigger:

Her business went bankrupt after COVID. At the same time, she was in the midst of her gender transition. One Friday, facing an impossible task list, she chose music over productivity.

2. The tension:

A lifelong drive to perform. The habit of proving. The conditioning that worth equals output. The internal battle before she transitioned — “I always felt like I had to put on an act.”

3. The insight:

When she let go of expectation, guilt dissolved. Creativity restored her energy. And she realised that many others were silently trapped in the same pressure.

4. The pivot:

She stopped proving and started being. She embraced empathy rooted in lived experience. She began helping others explore the “baggage” that might actually contain their solution.

5. The destination:

A life — and a society — where people feel lighter. Where they connect directly, without masks. Where technology serves humanity, not replaces it. Where dignity is not debated.

---

Five key takeaways and learning points

1. Your biggest barrier may be yourself.

So what: Notice the stories you repeat about who you must be. Some of them may not be yours anymore.

2. Letting go can increase productivity.

So what: Rest and creativity are not indulgent — they are regenerative.

3. Authenticity reduces emotional labour.

So what: When you stop performing, the energy you gain can transform your presence and impact.

4. Systems aren’t neutral — but you can think critically.

So what: Challenge what you hear, whether about gender, politics or technology.

5. You don’t need to justify your identity.

So what: Dignity begins with self-recognition — others follow.

---

Ten distinct ideas explained

1. Living as performance

When you feel you must prove your gender, competence or worth daily, life becomes theatre. The emotional cost is burnout.

2. The quiet courage of transition

Transition isn’t only physical; it’s relational. It reshapes marriages, families and foundations — and asks everyone to grow.

3. Perfectionism as armour

Striving for flawless output can mask a deeper insecurity: “If I get this wrong, I am wrong.”

4. Creative play as survival

Playing music wasn’t procrastination; it was an act of self-preservation.

5. Legislation vs lived experience

In Belgium, legal recognition is simple. That removes barriers and signals dignity — but personal acceptance is still an inner journey.

6. Empathy born from struggle

Having wrestled with herself for decades, Steff meets others’ struggles without judgement.

7. Gender as spectrum

Human brains and interests rarely fit neat binaries. Recognising this reduces shame.

8. Human vs machine

AI processes patterns; humans build meaning. Confusing the two risks hollowing out connection.

9. Critical thinking as responsibility

In an age of media bias and deep fakes, discernment protects community.

10. Energy as compass

If something consistently drains you, it may not be discipline you need — but alignment.

---

How people should change as a result

1. Think

• Move from “What must I achieve?” to “What restores me?”
• Question social constructs you’ve accepted without examination.
• See perfectionism as a signal, not a virtue.
• Recognise identity as personal truth, not public debate.
• Treat technology as a tool, not a replacement for humanity.

2. Feel

• Shift from guilt to permission.
• From defensiveness to curiosity.
• From cynicism to discernment.
• From performance anxiety to self-trust.
• From rigidity to openness.

3. Act

• Take one hour this week with no expected outcome — create something for yourself.
• Ask yourself what “baggage” you are carrying that no longer serves you.
• When you hear a strong claim, pause and verify before sharing.
• In conversation, challenge ideas — not identities.
• Use AI to remove tedious work, and reinvest that time in human connection.
• Tell someone close to you one truth about yourself you’ve been editing.
• Encourage younger colleagues to think critically, even if it challenges you.

---

One thing to remember

You are not here to prove yourself — you are here to be yourself.