Planting A Seed Of Kindness And Understanding

Ryals reflects on growing up gay in Ukraine, navigating shame, bullying, and the pressure to hide who he was while living through a period of upheaval and suppression. He shares how early messages from his parents, especially his stepfather’s quiet wisdom, planted a “seed” that later grew into a deeper commitment to compassion and understanding.

Moving to the United States became a turning point: a chance to rebuild his life, come out, and repair relationships, including a difficult but ultimately loving conversation with his mother. Alongside this, Ryals speaks candidly about depression, grief after his father’s death, and the role of therapy in helping him unlearn anger and move forward.

The conversation also explores how Ryals channels lived experience into creativity and advocacy, using songwriting, performance, and storytelling to encourage young people to live more freely, seek support, and choose kindness. He discusses partnering with organisations supporting LGBTQI people facing persecution and plans to take anti-bullying messages into schools, emphasising that small acts of empathy can create lasting change.

One-sentence summary

A young man who once hid behind a shield of shame now uses his voice to plant seeds of kindness, believing that if even one frightened teenager feels seen because of him, every struggle was worth it.

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Synopsis

Ryals describes himself as “a boy from a small town in Ukraine who had big dreams and refused to listen to anyone who told him otherwise”, but his journey was far from romantic. Growing up gay in a society where acceptance was scarce, he built what he calls a “shield” — determined to be “as straight as possible, as smart as possible, as kind as possible” so no one could wound him first. Underneath that strength was grief, depression, and a longing to belong. His stepfather’s quiet wisdom — “you’ll make it… everything’s going to be okay, even though you don’t have the answers now” — became the steady voice in his heart. At 18, with borrowed money and more courage than certainty, he boarded a plane to New York, chasing what he calls his “North Star”.

What Ryals is trying to change isn’t simply policy or prejudice — it’s isolation. He knows what it is to be 13 and think the world is set against you. He knows what it costs to hide. Now married, open, and healing, he refuses to let young people believe they are alone. Through music, storytelling, and support for LGBTQ+ people escaping persecution, he is choosing love over anger. As he puts it, “you can do in your life whatever you want as long as you’re not hurting anybody else.” He is building a world where kindness is not naïve, but necessary — and where nobody has to survive by shrinking themselves.

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10 Small, digestible concepts for easy learning

1. A shield can protect you — but it can also hide you.

Survival strategies keep us safe, but they can slowly separate us from ourselves.

2. Hope can act like a compass.

Even when you can’t see the destination, believing it exists gives you strength.

3. Kindness is a discipline, not a mood.

It’s a daily decision to imagine how the other person feels.

4. You can outgrow your pain without denying it.

Healing doesn’t erase the past; it transforms your relationship to it.

5. Coming out is not one moment — it’s a rebuilding.

It reshapes family, self-understanding and sometimes anger.

6. You cannot guide others while you are still drowning.

Helping begins when you’ve tended to your own wounds.

7. Your version of happy is the only one that counts.

A “small life” can be beautiful if it feels true.

8. Acceptance often begins with self-acceptance.

The wall between people can be built from our own shame.

9. You are allowed to change direction.

One job, one path, one version of yourself is never the limit.

10. Planting one seed is enough.

If one young person feels less alone because of you, that matters.

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The “why” in the story

What they believe is true about people

That at our core, “we are all the same”, all trying to be safe, fed, loved and understood.

What they cannot unsee

The loneliness of young LGBTQ+ people — and the reality that in many countries being yourself still risks prison or death.

What they are no longer willing to tolerate

Living hidden. Letting shame make decisions. Allowing anger to replace compassion.

What they are trying to build instead

A culture of kindness where no child believes they are wrong for existing, and where acceptance crosses borders.

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Narrative structure

1. The trigger:

Growing up closeted in Ukraine, falling in love at 16 and having nowhere to place those feelings. Later, the death of his father — the man who believed in him — deepened his resolve.

2. The tension:

The conflict between loving his homeland and feeling suffocated by it. Between anger at lost years and gratitude for survival. Between fighting and forgiving.

3. The insight:

“If you are in pain, I don’t think you can help somebody unless you overcame it.” He realised healing himself was not selfish — it was preparation.

4. The pivot:

Leaving home. Coming out fully. Seeking therapy. Moving from expressing pain in music to becoming “the voice” for those who still cannot speak.

5. The destination:

A world where a 13-year-old somewhere hears a song and realises: I’m going to be okay. A life where love travels further than fear.

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Five key takeaways and learning points

1. Survival is not the same as living.

So what: Examine where you’re still hiding to stay safe — and whether it’s time to step forward.

2. Healing makes you useful.

So what: Do your inner work; your clarity may become someone else’s lifeline.

3. Kindness is preventative care.

So what: A small act of empathy might interrupt someone’s spiral.

4. Dreams need action, not just longing.

So what: Getting on the plane — literal or metaphorical — changes everything.

5. You don’t need to save the world — just reach one person.

So what: Your impact can be intimate and still be profound.

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Ten distinct ideas explained

1. The emotional cost of hiding

Pretending to be someone else doesn’t just exhaust you — it separates you from joy and connection.

2. The inheritance of encouragement

A single adult who believes in a child can echo in their mind for decades.

3. Migration as self-discovery

Moving country isn’t only geographic; it is a tearing down of identity and rebuilding from scratch.

4. Anger as a stage of awakening

When repression lifts, rage can surface. It’s part of reclaiming yourself.

5. The economics of survival

Poverty sharpens fear; security creates space to dream.

6. Cultural blindness

We only know the history we are taught — and that shapes who we fear or trust.

7. Generational courage

Each generation has the chance to soften what the previous endured.

8. Music as testimony

Songs can hold truths people are too frightened to say aloud.

9. Belonging as oxygen

Feeling seen is not a luxury; it’s fundamental to wellbeing.

10. Kindness as resistance

Choosing empathy in a divided world is not weakness — it is defiance.

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How people should change as a result

1. Think

• Shift from “Why don’t they just…?” to “What might they be carrying?”
• Recognise that silence can signal survival, not indifference.
• Understand that some freedoms you enjoy are still dangerous elsewhere.
• See courage not as loudness, but as persistence.

2. Feel

• Move from judgement to curiosity.
• From guilt to responsibility.
• From frustration to compassion.
• From indifference to protectiveness of vulnerable people.

3. Act

• Ask one person in your life how they really are — and listen.
• Challenge casual jokes that shame or exclude.
• Support an organisation helping those fleeing persecution.
• Share stories that centre humanity, not stereotypes.
• Tell a young person explicitly: you can find your own version of happy.
• Practise imagining how your actions affect others before speaking.
• If you are struggling, seek support — healing is not weakness.

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One thing to remember

You never know whose life shifts because you chose kindness instead of silence.