Stress! We Don’t Need To Suffer And Be Victims To Our Emotions

Ruth Fogg joins Joanne Lockwood to unpack what stress is, how it differs from everyday pressure, and why it can build up unnoticed until it starts affecting health, behaviour, and relationships.

They explore how stress can be triggered by stored memories, beliefs and values, and why stigma and workplace cultures that normalise overwork can prevent people from seeking help. Ruth shares practical, self-help approaches she uses with clients and organisations, including education on how the mind works, stress audits, and techniques such as hypnosis, tapping (EFT), and EMDR.

The conversation also touches on lived experience, including Ruth’s hearing loss and how hidden disabilities can add strain in everyday environments, as well as the wider challenges of mental health support and prevention. The episode closes with ways listeners can access further resources and relaxation support.

One-sentence summary

Ruth Fogg believes we do not have to be ruled by stress — that when we understand our emotional wounds, we can choose calm, dignity and control instead of silent suffering.

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Synopsis

Ruth Fogg speaks about stress not as a theory, but as someone who has carried it in her own body. As a profoundly deaf child in 1950s Britain, teased for the size of her hearing aid and told she was not clever enough for grammar school, she grew up believing she was “deaf and daft”. Those early moments lodged deeply. Later came the sudden death of her father, caring for a mother with dementia who wandered from home, and carrying her teenage son when chronic fatigue left him unable to walk. She knows what it feels like when life stacks its weight on your chest. She also knows what it takes to rebuild from there.

What Ruth is trying to change is our quiet acceptance of emotional pain as inevitable. She refuses the idea that stress is weakness or that suffering must simply be endured. “We don’t need to suffer and be victims to our emotions,” she insists, challenging stigma, workplace cultures of exhaustion, and the silence around mental strain. For her, this work is about peace of mind — about helping people feel calm and in control rather than ashamed, overwhelmed or alone. It matters because unspoken stress damages families, corrodes workplaces, and, as she says plainly, “Stress kills.”

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10 Small, digestible concepts for easy learning

1. Stress is stored, not forgotten.

Upsetting experiences lodge in the subconscious and resurface when something similar appears.

2. Pressure passes; stress accumulates.

Pressure lifts when the moment ends. Stress builds when nothing releases it.

3. What the mind suppresses, the body expresses.

Tight chests, churned stomachs and irritability are often unspoken emotions.

4. Beliefs learned young can govern a lifetime.

Being told you are “not good enough” can quietly shape every adult decision.

5. Hidden disabilities still demand energy.

Straining to hear, to mask, to fit in — it drains the nervous system.

6. Conflict of values creates internal stress.

When your workplace clashes with your principles, your body keeps the score.

7. Awareness is not the same as action.

Talking about wellbeing means little without real structural change.

8. Medication may cushion — it does not cure.

Relief without root-cause work leaves the core wound untouched.

9. Children show stress through behaviour.

Overtired, withdrawn or volatile — it is often fear without language.

10. Calm is a skill, not a personality trait.

“Calm and in control” can be learned, practised and reclaimed.

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The “why” in the story

What they believe is true about people

• People want to move from pain to peace.
• No one chooses anxiety; they repeat what their subconscious has stored.
• With the right tools, most people can restore their own balance.

What they cannot unsee

• Teenagers waiting months for mental health support.
• Workers too ashamed to admit they are crumbling.
• The way one sentence in childhood can echo for decades.

What they are no longer willing to tolerate

• The culture of overwork that mocks stress.
• The stigma that equates vulnerability with weakness.
• The idea that exhaustion is a badge of honour.

What they are trying to build instead

• Workplaces where wellbeing policies are lived, not filed away.
• Homes where tough times are spoken, not swallowed.
• Individuals who feel empowered, not helpless.

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Narrative structure

1. The trigger:

Being told as a deaf eleven-year-old that she “couldn’t possibly cope” planted a belief she carried for years — that she was inadequate. That formative wound shaped her understanding of how stress embeds itself early.

2. The tension:

She meets people every day who are suffering but afraid to say so. She sees cultures where exhaustion is normalised and vulnerability is mocked. She knows how hard it is to unlearn shame.

3. The insight:

Most stress responses are learned, not flaws. The subconscious stores experiences like russian dolls nested inside each other — unresolved problems simply grow larger.

4. The pivot:

After years of personal strain caring for both her mother and son, Ruth chose to leave senior management and build a life around helping others untangle emotional knots. She shifted from enduring stress to teaching self-help techniques that give people agency.

5. The destination:

A life where people feel “calm and in control” — where peace of mind is normal, not rare, and where asking for help carries no embarrassment.

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Five key takeaways and learning points

1. Stress is not weakness.

So what: admitting struggle becomes an act of strength, not shame.

2. Unresolved memories resurface as reactions.

So what: instead of blaming yourself, you can trace the root and gently rework it.

3. Workplace culture shapes mental health.

So what: leadership choices ripple into homes and families.

4. Children need tools, not dismissal.

So what: early intervention prevents decades of hidden pain.

5. Peace of mind is preventative care.

So what: investing in emotional wellbeing reduces illness later.

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Ten distinct ideas explained

1. Subconscious storage

Early moments — humiliation, fear, dismissal — embed beneath awareness. When similar signals appear, the body reacts before logic does.

2. The sponge effect

Humans absorb stress slowly. Without release, saturation leads to breakdown.

3. Value misalignment

When personal ethics clash with organisational behaviour, people shrink, mask or burn out.

4. Hidden strain of disability

The effort to lip read, interpret and compensate is invisible labour — and invisible labour contributes to fatigue.

5. Stigma’s silence

Mocking someone signed off with stress deepens isolation and delays healing.

6. Presenteeism harm

Showing up unwell drains individuals while reducing effectiveness — compassion would be more productive.

7. Emotional displacement

Unmanaged stress leaks into tone, temper and relationships, even when intentions are good.

8. Generational stress patterns

Families normalise coping methods, including medication, without examining whether the belief beneath remains unresolved.

9. Behaviour as communication

Children’s fears, expressed as restlessness or anger, often signal unmet emotional safety.

10. Practical empowerment

Techniques such as tapping or guided relaxation give people ownership — dignity through self-efficacy.

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How people should change as a result

1. Think

• Stress responses are learned patterns, not personal failures.
• Emotional wellbeing deserves the same seriousness as physical health.
• Culture is created daily through behaviour, not policy documents.
• Hidden disabilities require conscious accommodation.

2. Feel

• Move from shame to self-compassion.
• Shift from defensiveness to curiosity about your triggers.
• Replace judgement of others’ stress with empathy.
• Feel permission to slow down.

3. Act

• Take a simple stress audit of your habits — notice what you carry home.
• Ask colleagues genuinely how they are, and listen.
• Use subtitles, accessible tools and inclusive communication by default.
• Leave work on time at least one day this week.
• Seek support early rather than waiting for crisis.
• Model rest without apology.
• Give children language for their worries rather than dismissing them.

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One thing to remember

You are not your stress response — and you do not have to suffer in silence.