Unlocking Inclusive Communications

Joanne Lockwood is joined by linguistic anthropologist Suzanne Wertheim to explore what inclusive communication looks like in practice, and why it’s more helpful to focus on behaviours and outcomes than memorising lists of “good” and “bad” words.

Suzanne shares a set of guiding principles for inclusive language, from reflecting reality and showing respect to preventing erasure and recognising pain points. Together they unpack why people often freeze with fear of “getting it wrong,” how silence can communicate exclusion, and how doing a bit of prep work reduces the burden placed on marginalised people to educate others.

The conversation moves through real-world examples, including inclusive alternatives to gendered group terms, how to correct pronoun mistakes without over-apologising, and how to “call in” rather than trigger defensiveness. They also discuss accessibility in communication and events, including considerations for deaf and hard of hearing audiences, and how inclusive design choices tend to benefit everyone.

Across the episode, the emphasis stays on empathy, accountability, and small practical shifts that build trust, belonging, and psychological safety in everyday interactions and organisational communications.

One-sentence summary

Suzanne Wertheim believes that the smallest shifts in how we speak can quietly decide whether someone feels they belong — or whether they walk away unseen.

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Synopsis (two paragraphs)

Suzanne is a linguistic anthropologist who has built her life around noticing what most of us miss. She describes her superpower as “seeing patterns that other people can’t see,” and for her, those patterns live inside everyday words — the offhand “guys”, the habitual “husband or wife”, the over-apology that quietly amplifies difference. What shaped her was not a fascination with vocabulary lists, but a growing awareness of what language does to people. Time and again, she saw good, well‑intentioned people paralysed with fear of getting things wrong, and others worn down from being asked to explain their existence. She wrote her book not from ego, but from a sense of responsibility: people were “so stressed out and so nervous”, and she wanted to offer a North Star.

What Suzanne is trying to change is not simply terminology, but behaviour. She cares about whether people feel “seen and heard and valued.” She knows silence can land “very badly” on those who expected acknowledgment. She has felt the weight of recognising her own privilege — describing how a deaf academic told her he had “never in my life” felt fully taken into account at a non-deaf event — and she hasn’t been able to forget it. What she is protecting is dignity: the right to enter a room, read an email, attend a meeting, and not feel erased. Inclusive communication, for Suzanne, is not performance. It is quiet preparation, precision, and care so that more people can exhale.

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10 Small, digestible concepts for easy learning

1. Language is behaviour, not just words.

It’s what we’re doing with language that makes people feel included — or marginalised.

2. Silence speaks.

Avoiding saying anything out of fear can land as indifference or rejection.

3. Intent doesn’t cancel impact.

You can mean well and still cause harm — and both realities can be true.

4. Precision is inclusion.

When we’re imprecise (“husband and wife”), we quietly erase people who don’t fit.

5. Over-apologising can re‑other someone.

A quick correction shows care; a dramatic apology shines a spotlight on difference.

6. Inclusion isn’t about sounding “woke”.

It’s about small, natural substitutions that help more people feel comfortable.

7. Granularity beats accusation.

Naming the specific behaviour and its impact invites change without triggering defence.

8. Preparation is respect.

Doing homework before asking questions reduces the burden on others.

9. Design for the one, benefit the many.

When you create access for someone anxious or excluded, everyone breathes easier.

10. Belonging feels like being considered.

Inclusion is planning with people in mind — not announcing it afterwards.

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The “why” in the story

What they believe is true about people

People want to feel like they matter. Most want to do the right thing, but they need language that reduces shame and increases clarity.

What they cannot unsee

That someone can live decades “never” feeling fully considered in mainstream spaces — and that this absence is baked into ordinary communication.

What they are no longer willing to tolerate

Lazy imprecision, defensive shutdowns, and systems that treat thoughtful inclusion as optional or cosmetic.

What they are trying to build instead

An “optimised workplace” — a world where people feel seen, safe, and able to contribute without fighting language first.

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Narrative structure

1. The trigger:

Years of watching people leave workshops still terrified of getting it wrong. The moment a deaf scholar said he had never felt fully included at a hearing event. The realisation that fear and ignorance were silently damaging relationships.

2. The tension:

Well‑meaning people shutting down when accused of sexism or homophobia. Marginalised people exhausted from constant education. Organisations willing to spend on recruitment but not retention. Good intentions clashing with fragile egos.

3. The insight:

Accusations create resistance; specificity creates growth. When you describe the situation, behaviour, and impact, people listen. Inclusion works best when it sounds natural and focuses on behaviour rather than identity labels alone.

4. The pivot:

She stopped centring identity lists and started with behavioural principles: reflect reality, show respect, draw people in, incorporate perspectives, prevent erasure, recognise pain points. She shifted from blame to pattern recognition.

5. The destination:

Rooms where people don’t brace themselves. Emails that don’t quietly exclude. Meetings where introverts, multilingual speakers, autistic colleagues, and even anxious first-timers feel oriented and calm. A world where belonging feels ordinary.

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Five key takeaways and learning points

1. You don’t need perfect language — you need responsive language.

So what: Correct gently, move on, and show you’re trying.

2. Most resistance is emotional, not ideological.

So what: Reduce shame triggers and people are more open to change.

3. Inclusion is proactive, not reactive.

So what: Do the thinking before you hit send or step on stage.

4. Small shifts compound.

So what: Swapping one habitual phrase can quietly transform team culture.

5. Belonging improves performance.

So what: When people feel safe and seen, they contribute more fully.

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Ten distinct ideas explained

1. Problematic language harms relationships.

It can lower trust, increase distance, and create subtle emotional wounds that accumulate over time.

2. Erasure is often accidental.

A form with only “male/female” might seem minor, but for someone outside that binary, it signals invisibility.

3. Fear of getting it wrong creates paralysis.

Silence can isolate colleagues who hoped to be acknowledged.

4. Intrusive curiosity isn’t care.

Asking why someone uses a wheelchair may feel compassionate, but it can land as exhausting and inappropriate.

5. Correction doesn’t need drama.

A brief “sorry — they” keeps the focus on the person, not your guilt.

6. Designing inclusive meetings aids everyone.

Clear agendas, signalling transitions, and captioned slides help multilingual, neurodivergent, and introverted participants alike.

7. Language reflects social power.

Words shift based on whose voices are centred and whose are dismissed.

8. Shame blocks learning.

Accusatory terms can flood someone’s body with stress, shutting down openness.

9. Reclamation is agency.

When a community reclaims a word once used against them, they transform stigma into strength.

10. Belonging is measurable in feeling.

When someone says they’ve “never” felt considered, that’s not abstraction — it’s lived absence.

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How people should change as a result

1. Think

• Shift from “What words am I allowed to use?” to “How does this land on different people?”
• Move from identity categories to behavioural impact.
• Recognise that neutrality often reflects the majority, not everyone.
• Understand inclusion as everyday etiquette, not ideological rebranding.
• Accept that precision is a sign of care, not over-sensitivity.

2. Feel

• From defensiveness to curiosity.
• From fear to steadiness.
• From guilt to accountability.
• From indifference to consideration.
• From overwhelm to grounded practicality.

3. Act

• Replace habitual “guys” with varied, natural alternatives (“everyone”, “team”, “hi there”).
• Practise brief corrections rather than long apologies.
• Before sending a message, ask: who might feel excluded by this wording?
• Add visual reinforcement to spoken communication — slides, summaries, captions.
• Offer meeting agendas and signal transitions clearly.
• Seek input from people with lived experience before publishing.
• Use the situation–behaviour–impact structure when giving feedback.

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One thing to remember

Inclusive communication isn’t about sounding perfect — it’s about making sure no one feels forgotten.